I know. Most of you would never dream of associating me with the word, “old-fashioned”.
I was told that I epitomize the modern woman: opinionated, independent, confident, and adventurous. A lot of people see me as someone who is strong and someone who does what she wants; which is true in all accounts and is something that I am very proud of.
Despite all these, a little bit of an old soul continues to live within me, and I believe this is where I get defeated whenever I try to date. See, at this day and age where ladies are encouraged to make the first move, I feel like I have been left behind. I grew up watching fairy tales which led me to believe in true love, prince charming, and happily ever afters and I still haven’t stopped believing in it. Somehow, I still believe that one day, my prince is going to sweep me off my feet and take me to our imperfect but happily ever after.
Which leads us to why dating is difficult for an old-fashioned romantic like me:
1. I believe guys should always make the first move
I struggle with this area the most. I do not like texting or speaking to a guy first because I have this feeling that I can be annoying when I do. I also do not like initiating to go out with a guy because it makes me feel desperate. Also, it is my way of knowing whether a guy is truly interested in me because if he really is, wouldn’t he always find ways to talk to me and to see me? This often leads to my disappointment when I do not see any eagerness from the guy’s side especially after we go out. I tend to question what went wrong and trust me, it is not a pretty feeling when you’re trying to reevaluate yourself just because one person was not decent enough to tell you whether they would or wouldn’t like to see you anymore.
2. I have no idea how to do casual dating
I admit I have been using online dating sites to meet other people, and I know I should have expected that most people there are either only after hook-ups or casual dating, but a girl can dream, right? *snorts*
I am impressed with people who can be casual when going out. I mean, how can you go out with someone who you find interesting and not care about it after? How can one play it cool after a successful date? I just don’t get how some people can just be “casual” about this. In fact, I still don’t know what comprises of a “casual date”. Can somebody explain this to me so I could rant about it in length?
3. I can’t wrap my head around going out with multiple people
It is a waste of time.I believe in dating with the intention to find that one person you’re going to click with, then take things from there. Apparently, what happens these days is you date multiple people first and then choose the “lucky winner” after. Don’t you find it exhausting and time-consuming to go out with a lot of people? Doesn’t it tire you to talk about the same things over and over? How about we carefully choose who to go out with – find someone you really find interesting, get to know her, and see where it leads the two of you? If it doesn’t work out, tell her. If it does, excellent, right? Trust me, it will save you a lot of time and effort.
4. I still believe in chivalry
I am absolutely cool with going split during dates; this is not the issue in case any of you thought of it first. I don’t mind paying for my share at all. What I meant by this is the sheer acts of being a gentleman. While it is not totally a big of a deal nowadays, believe me when I say that girls notice and appreciate it when you open doors for them, keep them out of the danger side when crossing the streets, and seeing to it that they are able to get home safe. These things matter and can earn you huge points, that is, if you care about impressing a girl.
5. I don’t like playing guessing games
Games are for kids. You think we did not click and would not like to see me anymore? Tell me. You enjoyed being with me and would like to go out again? Let me know. People nowadays seem to enjoy the concept of having undefined relationships, but go bawling about it after the other person decides to just disappear. I have a problem with this because as mentioned, I don’t like making the first move. I don’t like to be the one defining what the relationship is unless I was asked to. I never ask for fear of getting rejected so I like it when guys are straightforward. I once dated a guy who told me after our first date that he wanted to see me again, asked me if I wanted to be exclusive on our third date, and told me when he thought we have to stop seeing each other and kindly answered my questions as to why we had to. See, it may not have ended up happily but at least the guy had BALLS – a body part where most guys seem to have lost in this generation. Man up!
I can still think of so many things, but I don’t want to come off as uptight. Some of you will tell me to loosen up or change my ways because hey, we now live in a modern world, after all! Believe me, I try to keep up with the times and enjoy dating whenever I can, but at the end of the day, it bugs me when I think of how much of my time is wasted on investing in the wrong person.
Day by Day by Dei 
Nicely done. Well-written piece. I’m also an old-fashioned guy when it comes to dating. But sadly, not all women appreciate the effort and sincerity of some men. They say that putting your eggs in one basket isn’t a good thing in dating. The more you date, the more it gives you the opportunity to meet someone who has a good attitude and behavior. It’s not womanizing after all. Select the right person for you and commit. Then, stop dating. But, if you haven’t found that significant other yet, keep digging. Hey, this is just an advice that I got from a dating coach.
There are times when I thought about it. Who knows, my special lady might be standing behind the door where I live.
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Hi, Gary. Thanks so much for visiting and reading my blog post!
I guess my issue in dating multiple people is when the other party does not inform you whether he/she would like to see you again. There are times when you thought you guys hit it off, but then the other person dates another and hits it off better than he/she did with you, then just disappears like a bubble.
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It’s called Ghosting. This is very common these days especially in dating. Two reasons: most men can’t accept rejection and some try to read your mind. Did she like me? and vice-versa. Yes, some men aren’t prepared to make the first move. I know it sucks but that’s the truth. In my case, I always make the first move. I’m not saying that I can easily walk away with rejection. Yes, I had my own share of rejection.
Dating is not a process of manipulation, it’s a process elimination.
-Myke Macapinlac
Rejection is tough and some men can easily sense if a lady is not interested in him. Let me tell you a short story. I tried giving my best shot by being nice, gave flowers and called her each week. We ended up going out, having coffee, dinner etc. But, I knew that it wasn’t going anywhere. She wasn’t ready for a relationship since somebody back home broke her heart. I don’t wanna have a rebound relationship kind of thing. Last thing I knew was, she was breaking my heart. It’s tough. It happened to me and this can happen to anybody as well. A dating coach said that men can do a lot of things and dating is just a part of it. Instead of being desperate and sad, focus on things that interest us the most. Interesting people do interesting things. We don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are.
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I have a separate blog post about Ghosting. Still makes my head shake that it is now common in this generation. That is also why I mentioned guys who have the balls to be straightforward about their feelings are a dying breed.
I’m sorry about what happened to you, I understand how tough it must have been for both of you. I don’t completely agree with your last statement, though. There are times when we attract the wrong kind of people; that is why it is important that you are wise enough to walk away from those kind.
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Well, I’m hoping that I’ll learn how to handle rejection in a positive way. It’s good that I still have the balls to tell what I really feel. Which statement you didn’t like?
“We don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are”
Sometimes it makes sense ’cause most people are easily drawn to us within the same group that has common interests, values and beliefs. Would you date someone who is totally your opposite?
Also, one thing I’ve learned is we can’t make someone to like us and force them to like our world.
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The ““We don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are” statement, yes.
I get the thought, I just don’t completely agree with it because like I said, there are times when we attract the wrong kind of people involuntarily. It just happens. Which led me to saying that we should be wise enough to walk away from those kind.
“Also, one thing I’ve learned is we can’t make someone to like us and force them to like our world.”
— I agree! We can’t force them into anything, period. We are still our own individual selves, after all and no one is exactly alike; not even identical twins. So, yes, we cannot make someone like us and our world, but there is hope in finding someone who will accept who we are and everything that comes with us.
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There is someone out there who will knock on my door. My doors are open and I’m not setting the bar too high. It’ll be a long, rough road ’cause dating is never easy. We don’t have to put our guard down ’cause there are always danger zones.
Your article gives me some sort of a wake-up call. Thanks and keep writing.
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Don’t we all share the same sentiments.
All the best to you! Thanks for reading. 🙂
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