Letting Go

Hey. I miss you.

But this is the last time I’m going to write about you.

We were never together, but I’d like to believe we almost were. We were never in love, but we had that “click”. The “click” we had the first time we met was too obvious not to ignore. I knew it, and you also knew it well enough to ask me out on a second date then proposed to be exclusive on the third.

We were a damn good team. Our conversations lasted the whole day and we never had any dull moments. Every single time spent with you was always awesome that I constantly dreaded every time you had to bring me home. I’ll let you in on a little secret, though: I’ve always known a shorter route home. I never told you because a longer drive home meant longer time spent with you. This was just like that time when you told me you made all the traffic lights turn red when we passed so you could hold my hand a bit longer. It was hard for you because you drive a manual, but I find it so cute whenever you try to hold my hand while driving.

You have always been adorable. I saw it when it was raining, and you decided to leave your umbrella in the car and share mine so you could put your arm around my shoulders. I noticed it when you discreetly turned the volume up when the song playing in your car when we first met came up next on your playlist. I knew it when you grabbed my hand and told me to feel how cold it was because you were scared of the movie we were watching and you never let go even after the scary scenes. You have always held my hand after that.

Most importantly, you brought me closer to God. You lifted up that essential part of me I thought was slowly dying. You helped me regain my faith. You helped me listen to God and understand His words better. You reintroduced me to Jesus and I will forever thank you for that.

In case it still isn’t obvious, I miss you. When you left, I felt lost once more. I tried to look for you everywhere to the point of dating guys I thought were better than you but it seems difficult, if not impossible, to find another one like you. I will forever envy the woman you will end up with but I will always be grateful to God that He made you a part of my life.

For some time, I was wondering why He made us cross paths. I was confused, frustrated, and a bit angry because God took out the only wonderful thing in my life, then. But now I think I understand  His reason. You were sent to me so I could set my standards – so I would learn not to settle. So that I would see that there are still genuinely good people in the world who would treat me right, make me explore and enjoy my life, and help me grow with God remaining at our center.

I am thankful for everything you taught me, and for everything we shared. You will always be a blessing in my life and with this, I am now letting go. It’s about time I free myself from thoughts of what if’s and what could have been’s so that I may start embracing the what else’s and what could be’s. 🙂

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